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New Year’s Resolutions from the WISHington Post!
December 27, 2019
New Year's Resolutions from the WISHington Post!

Dear Esteemed Readership,

It was a little less than a year ago today that I sat on my parents’ back porch, stroking my cat Deep Throat, staring up at the illegal fireworks my neighbors set off every year, and reflecting on what I wanted 2014 to mean to me.  My resolution was simple: to plant my flag in the fast and terrifying moonscape known as internet journalism.  And here I am today, Editor-in-Chief of The WISHington Post.

Let me be the first to say “thank you” for a wonderful first year.  Without your readership and participation, The Post would be a miserable waste of bandwidth.

To celebrate the upcoming new year, I asked all our valued contributors to share their New Year’s Resolutions. They are printed below, entirely uncensored. Some might inspire you.  Some might inspire you less. But all of them will remind you that the New Year is the perfect time for a fresh start!

dont-date-bartendersHilary Kawahara:

This year, I resolve to stop dating bartenders, drummers, or people with three names. I also resolve to stop hating on people who wear Crocs, cause I get that it’s none of my business or whatever.

call-your-friends-frequentlyChelsea Evara:

This year, I’m gonna remember everyone’s birthday and I’m gonna call each of my friends at least once a month to chat for at least an hour, AND I’m gonna take way more pictures and actually print them out, not just put them on Facebook.  Ooo and I’m gonna be way more faithful to my dream journal because I hate it when I have a great dream and later, when I want to tell someone about it, I find out I didn’t write it down. Bummer!

I-dream-of-business-successBilly J. Clanton:

Two letters:

V. P.

messy-bedroom-new-years-resolutionWoody Wilson:

I am ALL about New Year’s Resolutions, dude. Like, yeah, uhhh–like, I’m gonna get my life together. Like stop being so–I dunno, disorganized and stuff.  Sorry this is late by the way, totally blanked on that deadline.

dont-dress-up-your-petEleanor Rose:

This year, I’m converting my whole extended family to veganism, volunteering every other week, and getting this woman in my pilates class to stop dressing up her Chihuahua.

lifting-weights-for-new-yearsEd Woodward:

I’m gonna do the same thing I do every year Martha: demand the truth from people, and from this country.

I’m also going to get ripped.

january-first-is-just-a-dateEdison Lafont:

I don’t particularly care for New Year’s Resolutions.  The “New Year” is an arbitrary designation of time, and the concept of a “reset” on one’s life, while an emotionally comforting notion, has no basis in astrophysical fact.  I make resolutions on whichever day I choose. Today is not one of those days.

stop-pretending-to-like-people-you-hateJacqueline Kay:

I’m an incredibly polite and gracious person, and sometimes, my impeccable social graces can be draining on my psyche. To that end, I resolve to prune my social network of, how you say, less desirables, in order to focus my energy on those who can make a real, positive impact on my life.  In other words, I’m going to stop pretending to like people I hate.

awkward-partying-like-its-1999Truman Wosnak:

I’m totally gonna have the best year of my life! Lots of parties and having fun and I’m gonna get a girlfriend too! Haha yeah jk.

brie-cheese-is-bad-for-youJeron Andrews:

I say this ever year, but once again, my resolution is to cut back on the cheese intake.  I’ve gotten a liiiittle chubby, and the brie might have something to do with it.

be-a-mentorGeorgia Warrington:

I think I’m gonna to resolve to be the best mentor I can be to YOU beloved sister!

Martha Warrington:

My resolution is to continue making the Post the best it can be, and to continue to serve the intern population of DC.  Here’s to a wonderful 2015!