Woodward here. After being beat down by my so-called editor, I am begrudgingly presenting this puff-piece on careful packing in lieu of the meticulously researched expose I wrote on the Toronto Maple Leaves. For those interested in the undeniable link between Canada’s professional sports program and the KGB, my investigation on the so-called “hockey team” will appear on my personal blog later this month. Instead, I will put on the mask of the cheerful, brain-dead, sheeple blogger and present to you a blog on packing. Yes. Packing. Whether you’re leaving or coming this winter, packing can be stressful! Super stressful! Oh goodness, how will you fit all of this detritus the system has brainwashed you into purchasing? What to take? Those shoes? THESE shoes?!! It certainly boggles the mind. #sarcasm But ever since Martha glanced into my (granted) impeccably packed suitcases, she has tried to convince me to share my secrets with the Post. Therefore, I present, with deserved shame and righteous disgust: 6 Incredible Packing Hacks.
1.) Roll Your Clothes
2.) To keep your collar stiff, roll a belt up and put it inside.
3.) To keep bottles from leaking, put a small piece of plastic over the mouth of the bottle
4.) Stuff socks inside of your shoes to save space
Another shoe-related tip: sand off the soles so no one can track your footprint by shoe manufacturer.
5.) Hide valuables in deceptive containers
6.) Fold your blazer inside out to prevent wrinkles
Hope my tips will help with your next packing venture. I’m sure they were really “valuable”. However, if you’re eager to read some REAL journalism (read: the current state of espionage in relation to popular winter sports) don’t hesitate to exercise your right to send our editor your comments. Enjoy your stiff collars and leak-proof bottles, sheeple.